WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE CELLO ?
Editions Espace d’un Instant, Paris 2010
One Act play
Translation from the romanian by Mioara Tarzioru
4 actors (1 musician, 1 woman, 2 men)
In a waiting room: the man with the newspaper, the woman with the veil, the old man with the cane. In a corner, the man with the cello is playing ceaselessly his instrument. At the beginning they listen to him and appreciate him, but very quickly, the repetitive and obsessing tune drives them mad. They try, taking turns, to convince him to stop, at least for some minutes, some seconds... But the man with the cello doesn’t want to, he doesn’t reply to them. He is playing, more and more menacing, alone against everybody... The others will have to organize themselves against this unexpected musical aggression...
Characters :
The man with the cello
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL who will become THE LADY WITH THE CELLO
We are in a waiting room. There are chairs along the walls. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO plays the cello, not too loud, in a corner of the room. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK seems to be dozing on his chair, with his nape leaning against the wall. THE LADY WITH THE VEIL seems to listen transported to the music
There are two umbrellas - by the entrance door – that had been left open to let the water drip.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Pouah! What weather!
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL has lifted her veil and looks at THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK opens his eyes, apathetic. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO continues to play the cello undisturbed.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER (Rubbing his hands, trying to find a
convenient place, addressing everybody.): Have you been waiting for a long time?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK (Exchanging a glance with THE LADY WITH THE VEIL.): For about an hour.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL (With a second delay): For about an hour.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Aha! (He takes a half wet newspaper out of his pocket.): And nothing?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK (After a hesitation.): Nothing.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER (Leaving the wet newspaper on the chair next to him.): Look at this! What’s the use of buying newspapers?
Pause. THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER seems to discover THE MAN WITH THE CELLO at last. He listens to him a few good seconds, stands up, goes near THE MAN WITH THE CELLO, makes a gesture as if conducting, comes back, sits next to THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: If it lasts that long we’re going to have floods.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Is it still pouring down?
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Yes, it is.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I have already got water in my cellar.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Mine is also damp.
Pause. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO continues to play repetitive,
obsessive.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER (Leaning discretely towards the other two and makes a gesture concerning THE MAN WITH THE CELLO.): Is that one waiting as well?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: We don’t know.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: We, since we’ve come…that one has been playing on and on.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: For an hour!
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Yes, for an hour.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: And, didn’t you talk with him?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Well, we did not interrupt him because he has never stopped.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: And he has been playing ceaselessly for an hour!
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Ceaselessly, yes.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Hm. That’s something new.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: I, since I’ve come, because I’ve arrived first, he had already begun.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Was he playing by himself?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: He was playing by himself; he had already started.
Pause.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Nevertheless…it is not bad at all.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Oh, no.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: He is entertaining us.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: I completely forgot about time.
Pause. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO repeats obsessively the same
musical piece.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: What a shame we don’t know what he’s playing.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I am not very good at this but it seems to be something familiar.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: I think I’ve heard it before too.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: It might be Handel…
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Handel or Bach.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Impossible. It’s neither Bach nor Handel.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: What is it then?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: It can be anything.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Aha! Now I’ve got it.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Have you?
Pause. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO, undisturbed, plays the cello.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Anyway, it is very interesting that he plays without the score.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER Yes, it’s not bad at all.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: He’s got everything in his head. That is a talent too.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: My poor father could play the accordion… But I see it’s not inherited…
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: It is rare to inherit an ear for music.
Pause. THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER opens the half wet newspaper and tries to read. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK stares into space. THE LADY WITH THE VEIL prepares a cigarette that she puts into a cigarette holder.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: One should not smoke here, but…
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: (Who cannot concentrate in reading the newspaper.) Go ahead, lady, go ahead. What’s the difference.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I can see that he’s going to be a long time.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: All the pieces for strings are like that: long.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: This must be an oboe, mustn’t it?
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Oboe or cello.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Yes, one of the two.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Oh, no! It’s a cello. Pure cello.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Cello…
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: I’m positive.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK (To THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER.): So, it is a cello…(To himself.) That’s all right…
Pause.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I was wondering if he was not paid.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Do you think he is paid?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Otherwise I cannot explain it.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Who would pay him?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: They would…
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: I don’t think he is paid.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Then I don’t understand at all.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: I bet he is paid. Nobody plays like that, all by himself.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: It is not certain he is paid. Perhaps he is waiting. He is waiting like everybody else.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Then why is he playing? Can’t he wait as everybody else does?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Why can’t he be playing? I am smoking, you are reading the newspaper, he is playing the cello.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Excuse me, but it’s not normal. He
should take a break.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: As for me, that thing, that he is playing, doesn’t disturb me. But now he seems to be out of tune a bit…
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Not that he is out of tune, but he rather repeats himself.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Was he any better at the beginning?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: He was, he was. If he played as he did at the beginning it wouldn’t be bad.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I…in my opinion, a lot of something is not good even if it is not bad.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: As for me, if music is good, I can listen to it for days and days.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Really? Days and days…
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Why not? Good music is elevating
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Let’s be serious. To what extent can it be elevating? Eventually it drives you mad anyway.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: It depends on what kind of person you are.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Let me tell you, lady, take Beethoven…It elevates for a while and all of a sudden bang! It strikes you to the ground! And you are deafened on top of everything else.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: What you say has no connection at all.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Of course it has! My father, God rest his soul, used to play the accordion. But he didn’t play all the time and usually he played in his room…
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: I suggest that we ask him to take a break.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Yes. To be silent for at least five minutes.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: If he doesn’t mind…
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Now… whether he minds or not, I say it is normal that he takes a break.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Shall I go and tell him?
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: I can go if you like.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Oh, no, I’m not shy. I’ll do it.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK stands up and goes near THE MAN WITH THE CELLO. He waits a few long seconds, but THE MAN WITH THE CELLO doesn’t seem to notice his presence. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK taps the floor gently with the stick. No reaction. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK taps the floor louder with the stick. THE MAN WITH THE CELLO stops playing and lifts his eyes.
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Would you be so kind as…we all beg
you…to have a break.
THE MAN WITH THE CELLO lays the bow on the chair next to him, takes out a handkerchief and starts wiping the sweat on his face. THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK goes back to his place.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Did he say anything?
THE OLD MAN WITH THE STICK: Nothing.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER (Stretching his legs to relax.): Aa! The air seems to have changed.
THE LADY WITH THE VEIL: Oh! Don’t talk like that; he might get upset.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER: Why should he get upset? It is our right to have silence. (To THE LADY WITH THE VEIL.) Isn’t it? Nothing is more elevated than silence.
THE MAN WITH THE CELLO folds his handkerchief, puts it back in his pocket, takes the bow from the chair and starts again to play undisturbed.
THE MAN WITH THE NEWSPAPER (After waiting stone-still a few seconds.): Oh, no, that’s too much!
Is it better to listen to strangers who ask you to sit in silence? Or listen to your inner voice and go on playing in the rain? Four lovable characters confront these questions in "What Shall We Do With The Cello ?"
(Trap Door Theatre - Chicago)
Lucernaire Theater, Paris, 1998, directed by Lionel Astier
TV production, Romainan television, Bucharest 1990, directed by Nicolae Scarlat
Romanian
English (translation Mioara Tarzioru)
German (translation Gerhardt Csejka)
Estonian (disponible en manuscrit, traduction Ülle Driefeld)
Bulgarian (disponible en format électronique, traduction Ognean Stamboliev)
Japanese (disponible en format électronique, traduction Hiroko Kawaguchi)
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